Blogger Revisited

hahahahaha....

it's been almost 3months since i last blogged..

well...i really don't know how to start this again but....

that's just how life is..sometimes you find yourself at the utmost top..then suddenly without any warning you'll find yourself falling fast to hit the bottom....what's the connection??heck i don't know...hahaha.. i just typed it out to make this somehow long...hahahaha..out of words..out of rhyme..then again maybe next time...

no time to waste..only stress to face.

...hi!!! it's been a week i guess...since i last log in.. oh dearness.... my whole week and the days to come are soo booked,,, i have less time to do things for myself...anyway...i like it this way better...it's the only time i feel really alive....stress makes me feel pain...both physically and emotionally as well as mentally too i guess....although there are some consequences to it..with me being busy...yes i have less time for myself...but i don't mind much...it's having less..hmm no time for me to be with my friends....and even my family....i miss spending time with all of them....they just take all that stress whenever i see their smiles...hear their laughs....hmmmmm...
...anyway....i'm getting crazier by the minute...a few hours ago..i saw her...the one i suspect from my dream...everytime i get a glimpse of her...it's just...hmmmm..seemed like a dream...so peaceful...and hmmm....lately... there's this someone that just makes my heart literally skip not just a beat but beatS....hahahaha....i just can't decode the person...it's very disturbing in a way i'm very much hooked to what's about to happen...oh well....tomorrow gonna be another day to look forward to..i guess....hmmmm.............
darn it!i'm so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!all these feelings...all these thoughts..........
i just don't know what's real anymore....dear God...please give me enough strength to face all these challenges...and enough wisdom to make the right decisions....and a lot of You to make it a good day...

books makes my wallet go pale

hahahaha......it really does.....
i've already bought around 8 books (second-hand) mostly at Booksale for the last 3 months...
but...i haven't read any of it...is this some kind of an obsession????hahaha
i wonder when i'll be able to start reading any of it...
my whole month's fully booked as well as for the first two weeks of february..
i can feel muscle pains all over the body...and it feels good haha coz i know i'm alive??
i can't help it but be so emo..
this post's gonna be a bit random...
i've been facebook free for one week now(it's feels like i'm doing time in a rehab center)
hahaha...anyway..it feels great though knowing my life doesn't revolve around it. i missed writing senseless stuff (i consider my poems senseless hahaha -emo-) i just can't find any hmm inspiration for me to write anything at all. sometimes.... i don't believe in love anymore..is that sad??
i don't know...i feel like life with people is a come and go situation, like everyone else is just passing thru...i wonder if i'll be able to love again...it's not much of a big deal..
it seems i'm taking everything for granted again...

2011 will i meet someone who'll change my thoughts????

hay....true???

Color Test - Results

Your Existing Situation "Craves change and new things, always looking for new adventures and activities. Becomes restless and frustrated when she has to wait to long for things to develop. her impatience leads to irritability and a desire to move on to the next project." Your Stress Sources "Delights in the finer things in life and things that appeal to the senses, but can be critical. Is careful and cautious and must believe she is not being manipulated or tricked. Keeps her emotions in check and is always analyzing her relationships in order to know exactly where she stands at all times. Demands complete honesty as a protection against her naturally trusting nature." Your Restrained Characteristics Giving more than she is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels she is being forced into compromising and even her close relationships leave her feeling emotional distant. Giving more than she is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels she is being forced into compromising and even her close relationships leave her feeling emotional distant. "Seeking to broaden her horizons and believes her hopes and dreams are realistic. Worries she may not be able to do the things she wants and needs to escape to a peaceful, quiet environment in order to restore her confidence." Feels as if too many walls and obstacles are standing in her way and that she is being forced to make compromises. she needs to put her own needs on hold for the time being. Your Desired Objective "Not a team player and is unwilling to be involved in most activities. In the past she was over involved and now emotionally drained. Due to her fear of over involvement, she now chooses to remain uninvolved with the activities around her. " Your Actual Problem "Finds herself too trusting and needs protection from this because she feels people will take advantage or misunderstand her. she hides her true feelings by being highly critical and distant, unwilling to participate unless she knows the intent is honest."

CHRISTMAS BREAK... NOT

it's been awhile???

hahaha...oh dear i still don't have a practicum site...just wish my professor won't kill me in January...anyway...ever since the so-called Christmas Break started, it didn't seem to be how it sounds..i was always out of the house...15-17(early morning) i was at Zambales with my salisi gang...17 afternoon i went to SM to help out carry bags...and also went to simbang gabi..18 i accompanied my niece in her practice at church, then at night i went to my friend's ouse to celebrate her birthday..19..Church Day..and my niece still has her practice..then came the 20th.. i went to SM marikina to watch My Amnesia Girl..i watched the last full show alone...and i missed being alone...(what??hahaha)then there was 21...niece's practice in the morning..then went to st. francis..to find clothes...went home around 1am in the morn..there's 22...i went to my sister's house then headed straight again to my niece's performance night(it's a bunch of kids from my church)..oh and the only day i thought i'd be doin nothing...23...was also a day i'd be into something..my tita came home from states...after lunch we went back to st. francis..then to sm...and then just when i got home around 12 of the 24th, my faithfools family came with pizza and ice cream in their hands...what a way to end the day...and it's not yet through...my whole uhm break? is already booked,...

and there's something i cannot express anymore at my facebook account so i'll let it out here..

hihi...what are the odds...i find it weird having the same birthday with someone i know...it's very much unexpected it would be her... i just usually stare at her..hahaha..now she's my friend at facebook...hmmm...and i'm still trying to figure out what course she took...but from the looks of it...it seems she took psychology...it's gettting weirder..hahahaha....

(my stalking instincts are now again active hahaha)....oooohh..i'm just so hyped to see her..hahaha...(ay naku ano ba to?!)hahahaha

anyway...i'd be posting something from train later...hihi...God bless.....

post it quick: MAG

My Amnesia Girl!
.,just watched it at sm marikina.,alone., and it was great.,i lurve every part of it.,it makes me wanna just fall in love! Hihi.,i wanna watch it again., i usually try to guess the plot of a movie..and most of the times it matches with the outcome.,but this time..it did not.,even a bit of it., that's why i like it more..anyway., that's all for now.,i just tried using my phone and i was just so hyped to blog about this.,and to think i thought i already forgot how to fall in love or what is it even..oh dear...

hahahaha.. i just pasted this from my facebook note...which i'll be deleting later on...

i watched it on dec. 20..but i still can't recover from it...hahahaaha

Who? What? When? Where? Why? hay..............

...i could not understand anything i'm feeling since yesterday.... everything's chaotic...i don't know what i should be feeling....it might seem that a lot has been going on..is there??
just a month ago i found out that she got pregnant.. and i didnt give much of a reaction..like it was something i knew was coming....yesterday i went to visit her..and was told that she'd be giving birth tomorrow..(why does it seem like i'm affected with what's going on with her life.)the moment i saw her...everything was on flashback...anyway...tomorrow's gonna happen...and it's already agreed upon that i'll be visiting her by night...
...another thing...i can't pull myself away from the gang anymore(i know that doesn't sound good-i just have a hard time constructing ideas-do hope you understand what i'm trying to say)..i'm not saying it's a bad thing but usually i'm not really attached to a group...just doing things on my own...not really having much care at the world...they just make me feel so blessed....that i couldn't bear to leave even if i have other appointments..(i guess i do have attachment issues)....they're pretty much a big part of my life...it's just i guess i never thought i'd be part of something when i reached college..my mindset was to just finish it(no attachments of any sort included-superfriends, organizations, lovelife etc.)...i could not stand not to see them...i'd rather sleep until tuesday or friday comes....
i don't know what to feel or how to react anymore.....it's december in a few minutes....
i really do wonder what this month's gonna give me.....
you...i wish and pray for your baby to be healthy..
salisi gang...hay.......

NO MORE MR. DESTINY(hihi)

today is such a bummer...
i got home around 8am and had broken sleep till 1pm..
i was struggling whether i'll go to the other house or i'll just stay and sleep the whole day..
but my tummy was making noises so i went by the other house..
and for that i won a trip to sm taytay...
to buy a dozen eggs, some garlic, a kilo of ground pork and beef, detergent, shampoo, drinks...
and i was only to commute....hmmm
grrrrrrr....

there i went....bought everything they need..
while walking round the hypermart...*boom*
i saw him mr. destiny..haha..and with some girl..hahaha
lalalalalalalala..............reminisce....................

i remember the first time i saw him...i was working at Jollibee and at the drive thru station..
..then...there he went by in his uhm Jeep?(not so good with cars)..
he had uhm not so long hair back then..and i guess he was studying at AMA...
and an Iglesia ni Kristo..(talk about stalking..hahaha...hey informations just come to me)
he would always pass by the store at a definite time..(that was around 2 years ago?)
then time passed by i left my work...but....
we seem to see each other around town..and even at sta. lucia..haha
sm taytay...oh anywhere...its like destiny written all over..hahaha
hey i can catch him staring also...cause i'll never would have miss that mestizo chinito guy..hahaha
but...it was always just like that....i never knew his name....even his nickname....
not even the plate of his ride....hahaha

back to the moment..*boom* saw him..and it somehow made me sad...
tsk no more mr. destiny...to think i was almost about to believe in destinies..hahaha
darn..back to daydreaming....hahaha

post it! quick: wide awake

hmm..just wanna go posting...
it's 3.34am and still awake....
here at my friend's house...
i'm kinda sleepy but still good to go...i miss salisi gang...
and there's still 4 more days before we'll have our classes again..
i don't have any clue on what to do within the 4 days i'll be missin them..
it seems like forever even whenever it's only a day i won't be seeing them..
hmm..i love these people sooo much....
i can't wait to see them again...
my source of happiness....

8 months of rehab(hahaha)

lately life makes me sooo emotional......
hay..
a lot of pressure from different people just makes me wanna give up life...
i'm gettin back again to those days where crying isn't enough for me...
that i'd be needing some physical outlet of pain...
it's been 8 months since i last cut myself....
somehow it feels good but...
sometimes i just go craving for it...
like it's something i couldn't resist doing..
within the 8 months, it's been a struggle...
holding a blade over my wrist,...
being withdrawn back with the thought of my friends getting mad at me...
i soo miss my teddy bear.. it's the only one i could tell everything i'm feeling..
cause i don't tell all to my friends...
i may look like i don't have a care in the world sometimes..
just maybe i don't wanna get too attached....
i have troubles taking in a lot of emotion..
a lot of love, a lot of hate, a lot of anger and even a lot of happiness..
it's one reason i'd rather walk by myself..
too much love in a room...
it's not easy to take...(for me that is)
and sometimes i wonder do i even still know what love is.?
I LOVE YOU...
words that sometimes i don't know when it's true..
i have a hard time saying these words to any of my family members..
i don't even hug or kiss my parents...
i love them alright, i just can't personally say it to them..
i am never that affectionate within the family ever since high school..i guess..
and whenever they got a chance to hug me or kiss me..it's like a celebration...
but...regarding my friends....i mean it when i say i love them...
i do sometimes even hug them....
---hugs are soo much better than kisses---(for me)
but i wonder why i could easily hug them and say i love you...

a lot of things are going inside my mind...
this post is already so random..
i wonder if you still understand it...
i try hard to produce a smiling face...
cause i don't want people be concerned (i know its not a good thing)
but i'd rather listen to their stories....
than to make them hear mine...
i'm more of a listener than a speaker...
(i really don't like talking a lot-with serious matters that is-)
oh the post is getting long...
till then................

i'd be editin this later..i'll just look for the worst cut i made hahaha

Breakfast at Midnight

phew..it's been such a long day...
well yesterday that is....

visited my uncle at the hospital..
(oh i do hope he gets better)
stayed there until late afternoon...
went home to go online for awhile...
then off to my barkada's house...
it's agreed upon that there will be no drinking...
so we just bought food to cook...
it was a breakfast at midnight...
bacon, eggs, ham and bread of course....
and calamansi juice to bring it all down the throat...

but at some point everyone ws just really tired...
so we just went home like 2am in the morning...
good thing ghef was there with her motor....
although i guess i would be safer commuting..hihi
and that was just it...i miss them....
and now..i missed a few episodes of annoying orange...
well here's one..i suggest you watch the others...
it's annoyingly entertaining..i swear..
there's just some videos you'd really die laughing...

i'm sorry i'll be posting it in another one, i can't find the file in my pc..
bummer..

and oh...a "lost" "friend?" of mine texted...
it was like 8 months ago the last time she texted....
and news has its own way of coming...
i'm shocked but not so affected....
i wonder why....
coz she's having a baby...
(i wonder what's happenin these days)
oh well,,,that made it easier for me to move on...
there's one more left to move on from...
i do hope its one and would not turn to two...
cause i'm really liking you...
(oh dear... there goes rhyming in my head again)

have a good mornyt folks....

"just for experience": election edition

just got home and sooooooooooooooo tired….i was up from 5am until now..need so much sleep….

anyway.. why do we sometimes do things “just for experience”..

even if we really don’t know the outcome of it..

whatever..this “just for experience” brought me to a “never ever to be experienced again”

i signed up as a third member for the barangay poll elections..

i psyched myself that I’d be up early in the morning and be retiring early morning of the next day…

but it just didn’t happen, the voting was held from 7am to 3pm..

and in the precinct I’m in..

instead of 300 something voters, ours came down to a hundred…

the election process? no qualms about it…

the canvassing? the furnishing of minutes? oh my goodness…

it was sooo detailed and I really don’t like having to sign my name for some documents(especially where one is about the law)..

“just for experience”? no, nah nevermind…I’d rather vote or stay at home…

oh my poor fingers and I didn’t even vote….

oh..and..i missed salisi gang much…

(should i? or should I not go to school tomorrow?..well actually it’s can i?)