hay..
a lot of pressure from different people just makes me wanna give up life...
i'm gettin back again to those days where crying isn't enough for me...
that i'd be needing some physical outlet of pain...
it's been 8 months since i last cut myself....
somehow it feels good but...
sometimes i just go craving for it...
like it's something i couldn't resist doing..
within the 8 months, it's been a struggle...
holding a blade over my wrist,...
being withdrawn back with the thought of my friends getting mad at me...
i soo miss my teddy bear.. it's the only one i could tell everything i'm feeling..
cause i don't tell all to my friends...
i may look like i don't have a care in the world sometimes..
just maybe i don't wanna get too attached....
i have troubles taking in a lot of emotion..
a lot of love, a lot of hate, a lot of anger and even a lot of happiness..
it's one reason i'd rather walk by myself..
too much love in a room...
it's not easy to take...(for me that is)
and sometimes i wonder do i even still know what love is.?
I LOVE YOU...
words that sometimes i don't know when it's true..
i have a hard time saying these words to any of my family members..
i don't even hug or kiss my parents...
i love them alright, i just can't personally say it to them..
i am never that affectionate within the family ever since high school..i guess..
and whenever they got a chance to hug me or kiss me..it's like a celebration...
but...regarding my friends....i mean it when i say i love them...
i do sometimes even hug them....
---hugs are soo much better than kisses---(for me)
but i wonder why i could easily hug them and say i love you...
a lot of things are going inside my mind...
this post is already so random..
i wonder if you still understand it...
i try hard to produce a smiling face...
cause i don't want people be concerned (i know its not a good thing)
but i'd rather listen to their stories....
than to make them hear mine...
i'm more of a listener than a speaker...
(i really don't like talking a lot-with serious matters that is-)
oh the post is getting long...
till then................
i'd be editin this later..i'll just look for the worst cut i made hahaha
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